Cultivating Gratitude

Today is Thanksgiving, and I'm realizing that holidays carry with them certain assumptions. We believe that somehow we should automatically feel gratitude on Thanksgiving, happiness on Christmas, repentence on Yom Kippur, and patriotism on Independence Day. All cultures have days set aside for specific purposes, and it is easy to believe that these days dictate a certain way we should be or feel. This is a lot to live up to, because our moment-to-moment thoughts and feelings are not under our direct control. This means that sadness on Christmas or worry on Thanksgiving can often be more painful than on a "regular" day.

Is there a different way to look at holidays? Rather than seeing them as days to feel or be a certain way, can we view them as days of cultivation toward a given feeling or way of being? The difference is subtle but pointed. We cannot decide to feel gratitude, but we can decide to sit down and reflect on the good things in our lives. The action of reflection can lead to the arising of gratitude. Or not. It really doesn't matter what comes up. We can trust that the act of cultivation will eventually bear fruit.

The Single Metric Society

We live in a society that equates success with monetary worth. This gives rise to serious problems, because it allows us to undervalue the importance of extraordinary portions of our life that don't have a direct or easily measurable dollar value.

When we hear someone say "she's very successful," it is almost always shorthand for "she makes a lot of money." We never stop to ask about the other dimensions of the person's life. Is she generous? Is she a good friend? Is she loving? Is she honest? The notion that a successful life is comprised of more than financial abundance is something with which almost all of us would agree, but the culture as a whole has reduced success to this simple measure. We have the same single-pointedness when we talk about institutions and organizations.

The detriments of this perspective are myriad. When value is equated with monetary worth, the pursuit of money becomes paramount. Prudence and moderation become bad ideas. The concept of "enough" vanishes. Greed becomes a good idea, because the person with the most money is most highly valued and "successful." Corporations that devour natural resources, spew out tons of toxins, and abuse human rights are admired because of their astonishing profitability. The culture hurtles forward, careening further and further off course in pursuit of money (and the power and fame that come with it.)

Stopping this reckless ride will require a dialog about our values and their true measure. It will be an upstream swim against our culture and the media that aid and abet the "money=success" mentality by providing us with an endless stream of information about the rich, the glamorous, and the powerful. But it can and must be done. Let's start the conversation.

Mormons and Gay Marriage

"The only freedom deserving the name, is that of pursuing our own good in our own way, so long as we do not attempt to deprive others of theirs, or impede their efforts to obtain it. Each is the proper guardian of his own health, whether bodily, or mental and spiritual. Mankind are greater gainers by suffering each other to live as seems good to themselves, than by compelling each to live as seems good to the rest." -- John Stuart Mill

These words were published in Mill's classic text On Liberty in 1869. That was almost 140 years ago, yet we are still struggling to realize this simple vision. As reported in the New York Times, the Mormon church helped raise millions of dollars to take the basic right of marriage away from lesbian and gay people in California. They did this in the name of pursuing what they thought was "moral," but in reality they (and others like them) have deprived many people of their own freedom and happiness. This cannot stand. To learn how you can help in the battle for marriage equality, visit http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/. We need everyone, gay or straight, to join the struggle for liberty.