"We will try not to lose ourselves in dispersion or be carried away by regrets about the past, worries about the future, or craving, anger, or jealousy in the present. "
-- from the 7th Mindfulness Training in the book Interbeing: Fourteen Guidelines for Engaged Buddhism by Thich Nhat Hanh
I've had twelve days off during the holidays. It was a wonderful chance to get some rest, reconnect with New York City, and spend some quality time with David (my partner) and my friends. It also helped me see how rushed and overbooked I have been. I don't think I would have become aware of being so spent had I traveled during the holidays, because I would have been rushed and overbooked!
As a result of this fresh awareness, I've thought about where and how I spend energy. In pondering my use of energy, the word "dissipated" kept coming up in my mind. I looked it up and found two of its definitions interesting. The first is "wasted or squandered." The second is "irreversibly lost; used of energy." I realized that dissipation is rooted in a dispersion of my attention in the present moment. As a result of this dispersion, I lose time and/or energy. I think there are two modes where this loss occurs. First, there is the "I'm so busy!" mode, where my energy is dispersed by bouncing like a pinball from one thing to the next. This reactive ricocheting happens when I don't have a clear and firm intention regarding what is really important. The second is an "I'm so tired!" mode, where I lose time in mindless, unfocused, and ultimately non-refreshing activity, like channel surfing. This mindless moping is also marked by a lack of intention, as well as a deficiency of attention. One of my aims in 2009 is to practice recognizing dispersed and dissipated states of mind, and trying to replace them with a clear intention and a sustained attention to what really matters in the present moment.
In thinking about dissipation and dispersion, I realized that there are a lot of elements of our culture that seek to hook our attention and dissipate our energy. Consumerism, tabloid entertainment, and the frantic pace of work all contribute to a dispersion of our collective energy. As we move forward into 2009, we face unprecedented environmental, financial, and ethical challenges. Meeting these challenges will require serious focus and energy at a societal level. We need to move from dissipating and dispersing modes of ricocheting and moping to energetic and focused action. Could a renewed collective commitment to paying attention and setting strong intentions be the antidote to what ails us?
