Nature and Not-Knowing

Photo by NASA Goddard.  Used under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 (Generic)

Not knowing is most intimate.  - Zen Master Dizang

I woke up this morning to good news.  The power is still on, the water is running, and the eye of Hurricane Irene is moving over NYC.  We will have high winds behind the eye, but the worst of the rain is nearly over.  Although the television news indicates that the city is dealing with some serious problems caused by the hurricane (with continued worries about the rising East River), it appears that the city has largely avoided the worst of what we feared could happen.  

One temptation when the worst case scenario doesn't materialize is to assume a critical or ironic stance.  We can take an almost accusatory tone, discussing the overreaction by the authorities, the inconvenience it caused us, and how we knew it wasn't going to be that big of a deal.  I think this type of reaction is actually an emotional release, born from relieved fears.  

The truth is that we didn't know what would happen.  There is very little data on a how the waters surrounding NYC behave during a direct hit by a hurricane (there is more now!), so the computer simulations were very uncertain.  Our leaders made the decision to look at the worst case models and prepare for what would happen should those scenarios materialize.  They are to be commended for this, and we can all be grateful that the impact of the storm on the city wasn't as bad as it could have been.  

Supporting a Good Cause

This is my third year riding Braking the Cycle.  The ride goes from Boston to NYC in 3 days, covering close to 300 miles.  

This year my ride preparation has gotten off to a rockier start than in prior years. A new position at work, personal and work travel, and a nasty summer cold have curtailed my ability to train. I'm also behind on my fundraising. In spite of these challenges, I've set and am keeping am ambitious goal: I want to raise almost 50% more for HIV/AIDS services than I have in prior years. My goal is $10,000. Several people on the ride have already raised more than $20,000, so I know that with your help I can do this. 

I'm setting this ambitious goal because the challenges that I face in preparing for the ride pale in comparison with the challenges facing a community at risk and the organizations trying to address their needs. The economic situation and austerity budgets at both the federal and state level are having dire consequences for the budgets of AIDS Service Organizations nationwide. New York City has an incredible caseload - our numbers exceed the combined totals of Los Angeles, Chicago, and San Francisco. The money you give will go to programs that provide HIV/AIDS prevention and care at the LGBT Center of New York. These programs are lifelines for many New Yorkers. 

Please sponsor me by making a tax-deductible donation, and please be as generous as you can. It will save lives. 

All you have to do is click on this link, and enter your billing information. Whether it's $10, $100, or $1000, every penny will help a person living with HIV or AIDS.

With your generosity, I know I can reach my goal of $10,000. 

Thank you for your support.

Liberty and Justice for All

Below is an open letter that I wrote to New York State Senator Greg Ball upon learning that he decided to vote no on gay marriage.   He was considered a swing vote, so this is a setback.

Dear Senator Ball --

I'm not one of your constituents, but I'm writing you anyway because your actions affect have a profound effect on my well-being and happiness as a resident of New York State.

I am a hard working New Yorker.  I pay taxes (which pay your salary) and I contribute to my church and several charities.  I am also a gay man in a 15 year committed relationship with a man I love and want to marry.  I have advanced degrees in science and theology, so I am intimately familiar with the most current scientific research on homosexuality, as well as with the passages being cited to justify continued discrimination against LGBT people.  I can state without equivocation that the evidence continues to mount against a narrow-minded and bigoted understanding of the LGBT experience.  To be blunt, you are on the wrong side of history.

The United States of America is a country based on the ideals of justice and liberty.  For me, this means that I should not be allowed to interfere with the private lives of my fellow citizens, including those who happen to be fundamentalists or extremely conservative in their views.  They should be allowed to worship as they see fit, and marry the person they love. But the notions of liberty and justice demand that I be offered the same freedom.  There is no rational argument that can deny that fairness requires that I be treated with the same dignity and respect as my fellow citizens.

I am deeply disappointed in you for voting no.  I hope you can reflect on the mistake you are making, and I hope you feel a sense of shame in denying so many New Yorkers the basic joy that comes from living a life married to the person that they love.

In closing, you should realize that I and many of my friends will do everything we can to defeat you in your next bid for re-election.  I may not be a constituent, but I will make substantial contributions to your opponent, and will organize others to do the same.

Sincerely yours,

Clay Williams, PhD

Cycling Shamans

Today is Positive Pedalers (Pos Peds) Day. We are a group of men and women living with HIV/AIDS who are committed to eliminating stigma through our positive public example.  Today we recognize the courage and contributions that Pos Peds and our supporters have made to our communities.  A recent partial survey of Pos Peds nationwide demonstrated the amazing impact this group has had.  Eighty-nine people (out of several hundred Pos Peds) have responded to the survey at the time of this blog posting.  Collectively, these people had ridden in 451 AIDS cycling events and had raised $2,495,509 for AIDS-related prevention and treatment services in their communities.

For me, a potent (but partial) symbol for what Pos Peds do is the archetype of the wounded healer, which originated in Greek mythology and was brought into modern usage by Carl Jung and Henri Nouwen. Wounded healers take their own suffering and vulnerability and transform it into the power to heal others.  Through our own experience of HIV, we find the courage to ride to ensure that effective prevention and treatment are available to those in need.  What the wounded healer archetype doesn't describe is the transformation that the rider undergoes in this process, discovering new strength and vitality.

Happy Pos Peds day to all HIV-positive cyclists and their supporters.  You are all an inspiration.  Ride on!

Authentic Sprituality

I grew up in a small town where Christian fundamentalism was one of the predominant religious modes.  In this approach to religion, there is a strong tendency to divide the world into "us" and "them."  If you aren't in the "us" category, you are viewed with suspicion, subjected to pressure to change to join the "us" camp, and if you are unwilling or unable to do so, you are rejected.  I've experienced the pain that this worldview causes, both personally and in relationship with people I've known and loved.  

I believe that fundamentalism and other forms of exclusivism must be named as one of the great spiritual lies of our time.  A basic test for the authenticity of any spirituality is how it views those of differing belief. Authentic teachings will treat people with dignity and respect, and will not view them as deficient based on their difference.  I suspect that fundamentalists will howl in disagreement at this suggestion, pointing to narrow passages of scripture that appear to reinforce the exclusive approach, but there is a deeper and broader thread in almost every religious tradition that supports my position.  An example from Christianity is Jesus' interaction with and teachings using Samaritans, the ostracized others of his day.  

Authentic spiritual teachings challenge us, calling us to transcend our limited and harmful views of the world.  Exclusivism fails to do this.  It enables us to feel comfortable with ourselves while judging or condemning others.  A spirituality that is inclusive is challenging, calling us to take the time to get to know and understand others, rather than trying to force them into an "us" shaped mold.  

On the Eve of a Shutdown

It appears we are headed for a shutdown of the Federal Government. I believe that much more is at stake than how much we trim the deficit. If the far right has their way, we will face an America in which the table is sharply slanted toward the wealthy, allowing them to rake money into their pockets at will. This is evident once you realize that Republican Paul Ryan has proposed a tax cut in his long-term plan to reduce the deficit. His plan would benefit high income earners a great deal, even as it would gut Medicare and Medicaid, placing a deeper burden on retirees and the poor.

It seems we never learn from history. We need three things to balance the budget:

• An increase in revenue, fueled by modest and reasonable tax increases on the wealthiest Americans
• Prudent reductions in federal spending that don't unduly affect the vulnerable
• Policies to create a vibrant and sustainable economy

An analysis by the Center for American Progress shows how increasing revenue and growing the economy are essential for balancing a budget, and how this worked during the Clinton administration. Let's try it again.

Thoughts on a Sunday Morning

There is an indescribable depth to life. It can be felt, but not discussed. It is beyond words. For most of us, it remains hidden in plain sight. Awareness of the depth of life must be earned, but not the way we earn money or a reward. It is more like grace (maybe they are the same?), where the process of earning it is a process of acceptance.

We all have glimpses of this depth, but we spend most of our lives being pulled away from it. My glimpses have always been catalyzed by things that have nothing to do with the getting and spending of the world: reading a poem over a cup of tea, a walk through a pristine wilderness landscape, a heartfelt conversation with someone I love, swimming in the ocean.

The common thread that ties these things together is wholeheartedness. A swim in the ocean while thinking about a project won't cut it. Listening to a friend while texting someone else won't do. Walking through the wilderness with my iPod on shuts it down. Giving what I'm doing only a portion of my attention keeps me at the surface of life. Depth requires our full attention, and the risk of commitment.